Steamstrong, Armey

1922 - , American steam expert, known for formulating the theory of condensate elimination and its positive effect on the human psyche, b. Baden-Baden, Germany. He is recognized as one of the greatest steam boosters of all time.

Life

Steamstrong emigrated to the United States at an early age and grew up in Poughkeepsie, New York. As a boy, he showed an early curiosity about how everything worked. His interest in steam was ignited by the gift of a working model steam engine. He learned about the practical meaning of "safety factor" during an ill-advised experiment with a heavy-duty spring on the relief valve.

Despite this disastrous initial experience, his interest in steam continued, and he became an apprentice in a local mill to learn more about steam power and heating. Some of his lessons were learned the hard way - after three trips to the tool crib he concluded, from everyone else's amusement, that this was not really the place to get a water hammer.

Nevertheless, he persisted in his after-hours tinkering. He came to the attention of local authorities after several particularly spectacular experiments. Concerned that his natural talents might be wasted, along with several blocks of downtown Poughkeepsie, they persuaded a wealthy industrialist to send Steamstrong to the prestigious Entropy Technical College (ETC) for formal studies in steam engineering. While at ETC, he earned pocket money by playing tenor euphonium in the local polka band and occasionally writing songs for the band.

After graduating from ETC, he assumed a teaching and research position at the well-known Boiler Institute of Greenwich (BIG). His landmark work, Potential Energy Minimization Functions in Laminar Fluid Flow, developed from the observation that water flows downhill. His fame outside the research community is based on his one book for the popular press, I Know Why the Tea Kettle Whistles, which is now required reading in every history of science class in America. Less well known, however, is his contribution to the musical stage. His song "Steam Heat" was discovered by a pair of songwriters from Broadway and incorporated, without acknowledgement, into their hit musical Pajama Game.

Upon retirement from BIG, Steamstrong realized a lifelong dream, establishing an association with a company that everyone assumed he was associated with anyway, Armstrong International, Inc., a worldwide leader in the design of steam, air and hot water systems. As the dean of Armstrong University, he now guides steam novices through the basics of steam, the intricacies of steam trap sizing and selection, and the joys of efficient steam system management.

An unpretentious man despite his many accomplishments, Steamstrong is known for his enthusiasm for teaching and devotion to steam, as well as an intense love of peanut butter.